You Don't Bring Me Flowers, American Idol

It's week five, and here are the highlights:

• Paula looked completely nuts. And, when she could have saved it--when she could have said "Oh, by 'second song' I meant David Cook's song, not a second by Jason", she just continued on with her drunken confusion, replying that she thought Jason had sung twice.



• Jason stinks, but all the girls love him. But do they love him enough? I think his time has run out.



• I wonder what AC/DC would think if they saw David Cook wearing an AC jacket and carrying an AC guitar--and singing Neil Diamond! (Also, one has to wonder if the fact that it was just AC--not AC/DC--is because he was referring to himself, David Cook, as DC. If so, that's even dumber than when he wrote "Give Back" on his hand.)



• Brooke did well! And by "well" I don't mean great, but I mean that she didn't look trembling and scared during her first performance, and her second performance was really good!



• Incidentally, Neil Diamond told Brooke to change "New York City" to "Arizona" in I Am, I Said. That's great, but then when she's singing about being in Los Angeles, she says she's "lost between two shores". What's the other shore? Lake Mead?



• David is great and B-O-R-I-N-G. Honestly, does anyone care anymore? For a long time I've said he'd be in the top two, but I don't think so anymore. I think he'll either go in the top three, or be a surprise loss in the top four. BECAUSE NO ONE CARES.



• And Syesha was awesome, and Simon said she's in trouble. He might be on to something: she's always in trouble, even when she does really well. However, Simon's comment at the end of the show--that she might be leaving tomorrow--probably spurred people to vote for her. So, I think she's safe.



• My favorite Neil Diamond lyric: I am, I said/To no one there/And no one heard at all/Not even the chair.



• My second favorite Neil Diamond lyric: Money talks/But it don't sing and dance/And it don't walk.



• Predictions: the bottom two will be Brooke and Jason. And, if there's any justice in the world Jason will go. And, if there isn't any justice, it will be Brooke. And... I'm guessing Jason is gone. Admittedly, this is tainted by my personal preference, but I honestly think it's about 50/50. So, I say Jason.

You must love me, American Idol

We're down to the final six! Halfway done!

Tonight is Andrew Lloyd Webber, which only reinforces in my mind the fact that they're trying to find the next Josh Grobin, not the next pop star. Which is not to say that I don't like Webber. On the contrary, Evita is probably my very favorite musical. I just think that (as evidenced by the judges comments) the ability to sing Broadway showtunes does not necessarily equate into the ability to sing pop radio.

Anyway. On we go!

Syesha was awesome. Even better than usual. However, even when she's awesome, she's in the bottom three. So... I think she might be there again.

And then Jason sang Memories, which is a stupid, overdone song. My favorite part of the judging was when Randy acted like it was extremely obvious that the singing was terrible. It was something to the effect of "You know how awful that was, so let's talk about something else." And Jason actually seemed surprised, like he didn't think it was awful. It made me laugh. Will the bad reviews hurt dreamy Jason and his dreamy eyes? I think he'll be in the bottom three, but he'll be safe.

Brooke (who, again, I love) started, stopped, and then re-started. She did this a couple weeks ago, too. Oddly enough, Paula was critical of it, but Randy and Simon liked the restart. Weird. Anyway, she was shaky and lacked confidence, which seems to be the story of her American Idol experience. Considering how well she started out, this is very surprising.

Then it was little Davey, and he was great, and Simon--hooray for Simon!--said that it was boring! As I've said here almost every week: yes, Davey, you're great. But who cares?

Carly did something weird, and I don't know what to predict about her. She sang Jesus Christ Superstar, and she sang the livin' heck out it. It was a really great performance. But, at the same time, it was Jesus Christ Superstar. So, how are the votes going to come down? Back when the musical came out, it was extremely controversial. (For example, my American Idol blogging arch-nemesis, Tristi, calls the song "horrid" and "sacreligious".) But, on the other hand, the musical has been tempered somewhat by the passage of time and many evangelicals even perform it at church functions. So, how will the Christians vote? And, on the other hand, how will the non-religious vote? Will they like the performance in spite of the subject? Will they not vote simply because it was about Jesus? How am I supposed to make predictions under these conditions!

And then it was David Cook, and he sang Music of the Night. And the judges liked it, but to me it seemed just like David Cook was singing Music of the Night. In other words, he didn't make it his own, dawg. Either way, he's safe.

So, in my mind, only the two Davids needn't worry. Any of the other four could potentially go. Carly has been a staple of the bottom three for weeks, and it's hard to say what her fans will think of her song choice. Syesha seems to show up in the bottom three whether or not she's good, so her good performance yesterday doesn't mean much. Brooke really faltered, and has been really faltering a lot lately. Jason is dorky kid who sings dorky songs in dorky ways, but the ladies love him.

If I must predict, the bottom three should be: Brooke, Carly, and Jason. And last night I was betting that Brooke would go. But, after reading Tristi's comments about Carly's song, and thinking that there are probably a great many more people who have the same opinion, I'm going to predict Carly is out. I'd prefer she stays--her performance last night was better than Brooke, Jason, and David Cook. But, I think she's gone.

(Disclaimer: lest I give the wrong impression, Tristi's full comment was: "Third for me was Carly. I hated the song she chose -- I've always hated the concept of making a Broadway musical about Jesus Christ -- but she sang the song well. Horrid, sacreligious song, but she performed it well.")

Wonder of wonder, Miracle of Miracles

Yesterday, I was preemptively depressed. In fact, I was preemptively despondent. I had two meetings in the morning, after which I just kind of puttered around campus, studying first at the library and then at the Tanner building. And I was depressed. I knew, no matter how hard I studied for the accounting test, that I was going to fail it.

I read the book, and I did practice problems, and all semester it has felt awkward and weird. It just never made sense--not at all. It all seemed very counter-intuitive and backwards.

Finally, yesterday afternoon I downloaded a couple podcasts off of NPR--one about art and one about music--and took a walk. I can only handle accounting for so long.

Anyway, I had a conference call in the evening, speaking to a book club in Michigan, and then I went back to studying. And then I was back here in the MBA Lounge at 5:45 this morning, studying some more.

And then I took the accounting final. And, you know what? It went surprisingly well. I mean, there were two questions I had to guess on, and one more that I later discovered I screwed up. But, the vast majority of the test felt really good.

I mean, I still hate accounting, and I probably still won't be getting an A. But, it's nice to see that studying--and desperately praying--pays off.

It's Just a Sweet, Sweet Fantasy, American Idol

So, Mariah Carey has now surpassed Elvis Presley as having the most #1 hits. For shame, America. For shame. This kind of stupidity is what keeps Jason Castro going strong.

I'll tell you the single biggest problem with using Mariah Carey as the mentor: she'll tell everyone to run everything. And, no surprise, that's exactly what everyone did. Why sing just one note when fourteen will do?

Now, the cardinal rule of American Idol is this: if you're a girl, and you're worried that you're going to lose, show a little skin--cleavage, preferably. It's saved many people in many seasons, including Kristy Lee Cook earlier this year. So, who was showing skin tonight? Everybody! (Well, except LDS-modest Brooke.) Carly, Syesha, and Kristy were all low-cut--and Syesha and Kristy were shoulderless. So, who will it help? Kristy. She's the best looking of the three--or, more importantly, she established herself as the Hot Girl earlier this season. When guys vote for "The Cute One", they'll vote for Kristy, because she's the one they've been voting for for weeks. Too bad, Carly and Syesha.

As for Brooke, I don't know what to think about her. She's my favorite person on the show, but she's very obviously not the best singer. She used to be great and dominating, but now she's terrified and shaky. And, if we're being honest, she did the worst last night. (Yes--even worse than Jason Castro.) She might be gone tonight. If there's any good news there, it's that she's never seemed fully entranced by American Idol. It seems like she's on the show because she likes to sing and it's a fun thing to do, but that she has no huge desire to spend the rest of her life as a pop star. So, even if she loses, she'll be okay.

And, as Randy said at the beginning, this night would be way harder on the women than the men (and the children, like little Davey). It was true: all the women struggled and all the men (and children) did well.

So, predictions for the bottom three: Brooke, Carly, and Syesha. And... I think it might, unfortunately, be Brooke's night to go. But I'd rather it be Syesha.

(Do you realize what that means? Kristy and Jason are in the top four? What the...?)

We Are All Innocent, American Idol

American Idol is starting to get an Ed Sullivan feel around our house--we have to rush through dinner and baths and bedtime so we can get to the couch in time. If only Ryan Seacrest would spin plates!

This week's theme was Inspirational Music, and we started off with the dreamy Michael Johns singing Aerosmith's Dream On, which doesn't strike me as inspirational in any way whatsoever. Maybe they assumed that any song with the word "dream" has to be hopeful--even if it includes the chorus: "Sing with me, if it's just for today/Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away." That's about as inspirational as "Live fast, die young."

Anyway, Michael sang it and I actually thought he did pretty good, but the judges disagreed.

Next up was Syesha, and yet another instance where I thought she did pretty good but the judges didn't. With both Syesha and Michael they thought that the songs were a little too imitation--they didn't make the songs their own, yo.

And then Jason Castro sang with a ukelele, and the judges loved it. And the eleven- year-old girls screamed as though they were at a Hannah Montana concert, except--hot holy crap!--Hannah Montana is now a boy and we can talk about how much we're in love with him/her!

Kristy sang, and she very definitively is still banking on her looks to carry her. The song was good, and she's wise to stick to country, but she's very obviously out of her league here. HOWEVER: I think the planets are aligned and she won't be in the bottom three. I think this had a little to do with her song choice, a lot to do with her tight pants and attention-grabbing shirt, and a ton to do with some other lousy singers.

David Cook, who up to now could do no wrong, really botched things last night. The song, which again isn't very inspirational--it just repeats the line "We are all innocent", which seems more like self-delusion than inspiration--had a weird rhythm and I couldn't tell if the song was strange or if David was off the beat. He was also wearing a straight jacket. It would appear that David was quite confident in his shiznit status, and the whole performance was self-indulgent and dumb. (When he held up his hand to the camera, with the words "Give Back" scrawled on his palm, I wanted to slap his stupid face.) However, unless American Idol fans are even more fickle than I think they are, he'll be okay.

Carly Smithson. Last week Simon told her she needed to dress better, and then she comes out in a weird clown shirt? Apparently they have a different definition of style in Ireland. Anyway, she sang and--check it out, dawg--it was just okay for me, yo.

And then little Davey sang and it was great and everyone loved it. I recognize that he's great, but, seriously, I don't care anymore.

And Brooke sang, and I love Brooke. But she had another shaky week. She appears to have lost a lot of confidence in the last month. America: I blame you! However, I think she'll be safe, if for no other reason than she looked like she was going to break down and cry and America loves a pity party.

So, it was a weird show. And the judges thought it was Opposite Day.

And the losers are: I actually think that Carly is going to be in trouble. And I think that Syesha will be in the bottom three, because she's routinely in the bottom three for no good reason. And Jason should be there too, but the judges praised him as though he'd just captured Osama Bin Laden with his bare hands, so I think he's safe. And Kristy and Brooke are safe. And David Cook. Dare I say... Michael Johns? Bottom three: Michael, Carly, Syesha. Going home: Syesha? This is week is hard, yo.

Dear BYU Students, Please Shut Up

So, the Tanner Building, wherein the MBA program is housed, is a noisy echo chamber with too few study rooms. Rumor has it that this problem will be fixed next year when the new addition is complete. Bring about the day!

Because of the noise, I tend to study in bottom floor the Lee Library, over in the corner. It's nice and quiet, and very few people come there.

HOWEVER:

During the last few weeks of the semester, all the idiots of the world--who haven't been doing any work for three months--descend on the library in hopes of learning something. Unfortunately, it won't help them at all because all the do once they get here is talk. I hate these people. Let me repeat: I HATE THESE PEOPLE.

Shut up. Go fail your classes somewhere else.

Also, if I can make a request of all the pretty girls on campus: if someone comes up to you while you're in the library, and flirts with you, please slap the jerk across his ugly face. Honestly, people! This is a library!

And I Will Always Love You, American Idol

So, the kids were screaming and we were trying to put them to bed and Holly freaked out because we couldn't find Hunny Bunny. Consequently, I missed the first couple American Idol performances last night. Curses!

Anyway, I've tried to go online an watch all of their performances, so hopefully I can make some accurate predictions.

Brooke is still neat. The overwhelming dominance that she displayed in the first couple weeks appears to be gone. I think she's still among the good ones, but she hasn't had a really stunning performance in three weeks. That's not good. (In other news, she's a cutie.)

David Cook is great, but not as great as last week. However, he has cured his stupid haircut problem (to some extent), so that's a plus. I've still got him solidly in the top two.

Ramiele: who the crap keeps voting for Ramiele? I keep guessing that she'll leave and she not only survives, but isn't even in the bottom three! Dear America: what the heck?

Jason Castro is reinforced his I'm-attractive-to-twelve-year-old-girls theme by singing a goofy poppy song, and sounding a lot like Hanson.

Carly was awesome, yet Simon gave her a mediocre/negative review. I'm seriously wondering if he was trying reverse psychology on America, to get us to vote for her. He's done that before. (However, what he said about her clothes is true.)

And then little Davey sang, and--hooray!--it was another slow, croony ballad that he did really well. A couple weeks ago Simon said that Kristy was "musical wallpaper"--you notice it and think it's pleasant and then instantly forget about it. I think that Davey is kind of in the same boat. No matter how good the kid is, after a while of doing the same thing over and over, it's just boring. Dear Davey: I'm getting a little sick of you, Mormon or not.

Kristy Lee Cook did okay (and looked very nice, with her excellent teeth and such) but she should have done much better, considering she's been emphasizing her heartland/country thing lately.

The judges gave Syesha a pass, but I thought she was lousy until the last couple notes. Lousy, lousy, lousy.

Michael Johns. If you'll recall, I've said many times that he'd never make it past Week 7. As much as it pains me to say it, he had a decent performance last week and a really good one tonight. If he can keep it up, I'd put him in the top five or even four. He shouldn't be there--he's clearly not as talented as many of the others--but he has gained some ground and picked up some fans (who like him more for his dreamy good looks than his singing). So, as much as I'd rather not admit it, Tristi seems to have picked him right.

Anyway, my current top four is the same as my old top four: both Davids, Carly, and Brooke. But I'd also say that Michael is on the way up while Brooke is on the way down. And frankly, I don't want to live in an America that likes Michael better than Brooke. Dear America: you suck.

Predictions for tonight: Ramiele, Kristy, and Jason will be in the bottom three. And... Ramiele is leaving. I mean, honestly.