The Gloves Come Off, American Idol

So, about fifteen minutes into the show last night I got a call from my neighbor, reminding me that I'd agreed to go play street hockey at 7:30! Curses!

Because of that unfortunate decision, I only saw the first four performances. Also, because of that unfortunate decision, I'm in eighteen kinds of pain this morning. I'm not exactly Mr. Fitness McHealthy, and street hockey not only requires a lot of energy, but you also get injured a lot. I think I slammed into the chainlink fence about seven times. Also, in a rather unpleasant turn of events, I got a splinter in my backside. Just so you know.

Either way, Syesha's going home. She's been in the bottom three/two forever, and I don't see that changing tonight. Personally, I think she's great, and I'd love to see her beat Davey Archuleta, but she won't. (Jason left last week, and we have to figure out where his fans will go. Jason's target demographic was thirteen-year-old girls who voted solely based on the dreaminess of the contestant. They will switch their allegiance to either Davey or David.)

Speaking of Davey, one part of the show that I did see was him on stage with the mayor of Murray. And, if there was ever anyone you don't want as a spokesman for Utah, it was that guy. He wore one of those goofy cowboy dress shirts with an American flag motif, and he had the world's largest handlebar mustache. No, America! We're not hicks!

And I imagine Cook is a lock to win it all.

In The Family Way

Well, we heard about how BYU is kind of a baby factory, so we decided to join in the fun. Erin is officially on the nest.

Our current name ideas:

Girl:
Marlo Alley Wells
Lindy Colleen Wells

Boy:
Benjamin Franklin Wells (I agreed to this on the condition that I will never, ever call him by his real name. He'll always be called Hawkeye.)
Orrie Rex Wells

And, Erin and I are having a debate: If I sign an agreement to never drink Coke again (right now I drink it almost constantly) then I get to name a kid Barnaby. Erin hasn't yet signed off on the deal, but I'm completely committed.

If I Am Guilty I Will Pay, American Idol!

Here's the odd thing about me and American Idol: I never watch the auditions--I hate when the judges make fun of the lousy singers. However, I love it when the judges make fun of the finalists. So last night, when Simon absolutely thrashed Jason, I was giddy as a school girl.

The highlights of the evening:

Lest anyone forget, this is what Duran Duran looks like. And they sing silly lyrics like "I'm hungry like the wolf". This is not a song that ages well, and is firmly in the realms of camp and kitsch. So, David Cook singing it, trying to keep up his cool, rocker image was a bad move.

Syesha was great. It's unfortunate that she didn't become great until this late in the season (starting the Andrew Lloyd Webber week), because most of the viewers had already picked favorites long before that. So, she'll end up in the bottom two like she always does.

Jason--goofy, giggling, pretty-boy Jason--sang I Shot the Sheriff in just about the worst song-choice disaster ever in the history of American Idol. For one thing, you just don't mess with Bob Marley (uh...unless, I guess, you're Eric Clapton), but if you're going to sing a song about (1) shooting someone, and (2) having a Sheriff hate you enough that he'd try to kill you in cold blood, then you'd dang well better be at least a little bit believable. Does anyone here believe that Jason would shoot anyone? Show of hands?

Davey Archuleta = Blah. Amazingly-talented, boring blah.

Okay, predictions: Syesha will be in the bottom two, because she's always in the bottom two. But she won't be leaving.

Who will be? Here was my prediction that I gave my wife during the show last night: Jason and Davey have just about the same demographic: 13-year-old girls. (Davey also brings in a few others--the Mormon vote, the good-singer vote, etc. Jason brings in the pot-smoking vote, and the stupid-person vote.) Anyway, Davey's performances were almost exactly as good as they always are, which translates into nothing special. Jason, on the other hand, sucked. And Simon told him to pack his bags. And, like last week with Syesha, Simon's prediction will probably buy Jason some votes. In fact, I was predicting that Jason would get all the fanatical 13-year-old votes, stealing them away from Davey, leaving Davey as the surprise exit.

However, then Davey brought out the big guns. It was the last song of the night, and he looked right at the girls on the front row and sang "Love Me Tender"--the first time he's ever sung a real love song on the show. And all the 13-year-olds' hearts went a-flutter. So, because of that, he's safe.

Which means: Syesha and Jason in the bottom two, and Jason goes. It's about dang time.

You Don't Bring Me Flowers, American Idol

It's week five, and here are the highlights:

• Paula looked completely nuts. And, when she could have saved it--when she could have said "Oh, by 'second song' I meant David Cook's song, not a second by Jason", she just continued on with her drunken confusion, replying that she thought Jason had sung twice.



• Jason stinks, but all the girls love him. But do they love him enough? I think his time has run out.



• I wonder what AC/DC would think if they saw David Cook wearing an AC jacket and carrying an AC guitar--and singing Neil Diamond! (Also, one has to wonder if the fact that it was just AC--not AC/DC--is because he was referring to himself, David Cook, as DC. If so, that's even dumber than when he wrote "Give Back" on his hand.)



• Brooke did well! And by "well" I don't mean great, but I mean that she didn't look trembling and scared during her first performance, and her second performance was really good!



• Incidentally, Neil Diamond told Brooke to change "New York City" to "Arizona" in I Am, I Said. That's great, but then when she's singing about being in Los Angeles, she says she's "lost between two shores". What's the other shore? Lake Mead?



• David is great and B-O-R-I-N-G. Honestly, does anyone care anymore? For a long time I've said he'd be in the top two, but I don't think so anymore. I think he'll either go in the top three, or be a surprise loss in the top four. BECAUSE NO ONE CARES.



• And Syesha was awesome, and Simon said she's in trouble. He might be on to something: she's always in trouble, even when she does really well. However, Simon's comment at the end of the show--that she might be leaving tomorrow--probably spurred people to vote for her. So, I think she's safe.



• My favorite Neil Diamond lyric: I am, I said/To no one there/And no one heard at all/Not even the chair.



• My second favorite Neil Diamond lyric: Money talks/But it don't sing and dance/And it don't walk.



• Predictions: the bottom two will be Brooke and Jason. And, if there's any justice in the world Jason will go. And, if there isn't any justice, it will be Brooke. And... I'm guessing Jason is gone. Admittedly, this is tainted by my personal preference, but I honestly think it's about 50/50. So, I say Jason.

You must love me, American Idol

We're down to the final six! Halfway done!

Tonight is Andrew Lloyd Webber, which only reinforces in my mind the fact that they're trying to find the next Josh Grobin, not the next pop star. Which is not to say that I don't like Webber. On the contrary, Evita is probably my very favorite musical. I just think that (as evidenced by the judges comments) the ability to sing Broadway showtunes does not necessarily equate into the ability to sing pop radio.

Anyway. On we go!

Syesha was awesome. Even better than usual. However, even when she's awesome, she's in the bottom three. So... I think she might be there again.

And then Jason sang Memories, which is a stupid, overdone song. My favorite part of the judging was when Randy acted like it was extremely obvious that the singing was terrible. It was something to the effect of "You know how awful that was, so let's talk about something else." And Jason actually seemed surprised, like he didn't think it was awful. It made me laugh. Will the bad reviews hurt dreamy Jason and his dreamy eyes? I think he'll be in the bottom three, but he'll be safe.

Brooke (who, again, I love) started, stopped, and then re-started. She did this a couple weeks ago, too. Oddly enough, Paula was critical of it, but Randy and Simon liked the restart. Weird. Anyway, she was shaky and lacked confidence, which seems to be the story of her American Idol experience. Considering how well she started out, this is very surprising.

Then it was little Davey, and he was great, and Simon--hooray for Simon!--said that it was boring! As I've said here almost every week: yes, Davey, you're great. But who cares?

Carly did something weird, and I don't know what to predict about her. She sang Jesus Christ Superstar, and she sang the livin' heck out it. It was a really great performance. But, at the same time, it was Jesus Christ Superstar. So, how are the votes going to come down? Back when the musical came out, it was extremely controversial. (For example, my American Idol blogging arch-nemesis, Tristi, calls the song "horrid" and "sacreligious".) But, on the other hand, the musical has been tempered somewhat by the passage of time and many evangelicals even perform it at church functions. So, how will the Christians vote? And, on the other hand, how will the non-religious vote? Will they like the performance in spite of the subject? Will they not vote simply because it was about Jesus? How am I supposed to make predictions under these conditions!

And then it was David Cook, and he sang Music of the Night. And the judges liked it, but to me it seemed just like David Cook was singing Music of the Night. In other words, he didn't make it his own, dawg. Either way, he's safe.

So, in my mind, only the two Davids needn't worry. Any of the other four could potentially go. Carly has been a staple of the bottom three for weeks, and it's hard to say what her fans will think of her song choice. Syesha seems to show up in the bottom three whether or not she's good, so her good performance yesterday doesn't mean much. Brooke really faltered, and has been really faltering a lot lately. Jason is dorky kid who sings dorky songs in dorky ways, but the ladies love him.

If I must predict, the bottom three should be: Brooke, Carly, and Jason. And last night I was betting that Brooke would go. But, after reading Tristi's comments about Carly's song, and thinking that there are probably a great many more people who have the same opinion, I'm going to predict Carly is out. I'd prefer she stays--her performance last night was better than Brooke, Jason, and David Cook. But, I think she's gone.

(Disclaimer: lest I give the wrong impression, Tristi's full comment was: "Third for me was Carly. I hated the song she chose -- I've always hated the concept of making a Broadway musical about Jesus Christ -- but she sang the song well. Horrid, sacreligious song, but she performed it well.")

Wonder of wonder, Miracle of Miracles

Yesterday, I was preemptively depressed. In fact, I was preemptively despondent. I had two meetings in the morning, after which I just kind of puttered around campus, studying first at the library and then at the Tanner building. And I was depressed. I knew, no matter how hard I studied for the accounting test, that I was going to fail it.

I read the book, and I did practice problems, and all semester it has felt awkward and weird. It just never made sense--not at all. It all seemed very counter-intuitive and backwards.

Finally, yesterday afternoon I downloaded a couple podcasts off of NPR--one about art and one about music--and took a walk. I can only handle accounting for so long.

Anyway, I had a conference call in the evening, speaking to a book club in Michigan, and then I went back to studying. And then I was back here in the MBA Lounge at 5:45 this morning, studying some more.

And then I took the accounting final. And, you know what? It went surprisingly well. I mean, there were two questions I had to guess on, and one more that I later discovered I screwed up. But, the vast majority of the test felt really good.

I mean, I still hate accounting, and I probably still won't be getting an A. But, it's nice to see that studying--and desperately praying--pays off.

It's Just a Sweet, Sweet Fantasy, American Idol

So, Mariah Carey has now surpassed Elvis Presley as having the most #1 hits. For shame, America. For shame. This kind of stupidity is what keeps Jason Castro going strong.

I'll tell you the single biggest problem with using Mariah Carey as the mentor: she'll tell everyone to run everything. And, no surprise, that's exactly what everyone did. Why sing just one note when fourteen will do?

Now, the cardinal rule of American Idol is this: if you're a girl, and you're worried that you're going to lose, show a little skin--cleavage, preferably. It's saved many people in many seasons, including Kristy Lee Cook earlier this year. So, who was showing skin tonight? Everybody! (Well, except LDS-modest Brooke.) Carly, Syesha, and Kristy were all low-cut--and Syesha and Kristy were shoulderless. So, who will it help? Kristy. She's the best looking of the three--or, more importantly, she established herself as the Hot Girl earlier this season. When guys vote for "The Cute One", they'll vote for Kristy, because she's the one they've been voting for for weeks. Too bad, Carly and Syesha.

As for Brooke, I don't know what to think about her. She's my favorite person on the show, but she's very obviously not the best singer. She used to be great and dominating, but now she's terrified and shaky. And, if we're being honest, she did the worst last night. (Yes--even worse than Jason Castro.) She might be gone tonight. If there's any good news there, it's that she's never seemed fully entranced by American Idol. It seems like she's on the show because she likes to sing and it's a fun thing to do, but that she has no huge desire to spend the rest of her life as a pop star. So, even if she loses, she'll be okay.

And, as Randy said at the beginning, this night would be way harder on the women than the men (and the children, like little Davey). It was true: all the women struggled and all the men (and children) did well.

So, predictions for the bottom three: Brooke, Carly, and Syesha. And... I think it might, unfortunately, be Brooke's night to go. But I'd rather it be Syesha.

(Do you realize what that means? Kristy and Jason are in the top four? What the...?)